I won!

Last night there was a Karaoke contest at a local bar called Shaka's.
Our friend Jose came into the skate shop to tell us and make sure I entered.
So, Tony MADE me go and guess what? I WON! I WON $30
It was so hilarious.
I sang Carole King and the Carpenters and Aretha Franklin and Bonnie Raitt....
Seriously I felt SO good afterward.....I usually have to work 3 hours to make $30.
Did you know I could sing? Nobody in town did and it was awesome!

Getting old, getting weird.

My friends are getting married, making 6 figures or traveling the world.
It's so hard to feel good about myself when I cant even take care of myself properly.
Nothing's really worked out for us here, or anywhere. I've pissed away my talents and my future is here and rather dull. My biggest project now is rounding up enough funds to get home for A holiday.
This isn't a post about being poor, really.
It's more about not following your dreams and actually using the talents that someone with an actual plan might have given you. This can't be all that I am here for? Costing my parents money still and not only, not making ends meet but joining others in a hole. Making 12 bucks an hour including tips and wearing the same bra and shoes everyday while doing it.

Do I like where I live? Yes. Oxygen ocean open spaces.
We need our OWN house....I need our own house with a room with a door that I can put SOMEONE in and shut it when I need to. I need to fix my credit and fix the past. Our shop is SO CLOSE to doing great but we never have enough stuff.
.
What started this was learning that my friend Kirk is getting married, to a stick figure certainly, and he's always done everything he wanted to do, sometimes VERY WELL.
Wish I could say the same thing.
This isn't my fate I'm living is it?
I'm a MOM.
And an employee.
Thats it.

Pity Party at my house.

Foliage

This is our backyard as photographed by Sunny!

It's getting easier and easier to be a good parent. All of a sudden these two beautiful kids are so much more important than me and my problems. At the end of the day I am SO grateful and thankful and I know that we are doing what were supposed to do even though it seems so silly sometimes.

I always thought that we'd have a few more visitors and couch surfers but there is always time for that.

However, my parents better not die while I'm out here on an island.
I cant handle the thoughts of their deaths yet and forbid them from dieing for at least 15 years.
Got it?
15 years. I'll be 47!!!!!!!!
Holy CRAP!

Last Letter From Nana

My Dearest Sarah,
Where did you get this beautiful baby? Ah! He is the most sure of himself. By this I mean he smiles a lot. Beautiful photos which I would not part with for anything, they are mine.And to see him walking now is something else, he is a little star. Does he say words like Mama, Papa or Sunny? I bet he says Mama.

He is my Great Grandchild.

To stay here is so much walking around by visitors, it seems like they all come to visit at the same time.

You know Sarah, I understand everything that goes on in one day, soon it will all be the 'Other day' OK? Don't worry about coming here soon, everything will come as it is supposed to, so take it easy. Don't worry anymore. It is not worth it, it doesnt make sense believe me, the more you worry the more its getting worse.Don't be like me to worry about everything. Just pray and all will be fine.

Well Sarah, how are you? I know you like Hawaii so much, you are so lucky to live there so do not worry anymore. How is Tony? How is his little business? I hope it goes around well and it keeps you on your toes.

Before I sign off, take Elijah in your arms and kiss him for me. I love you Sarah. Take care of yourself and your children. Sunny likes it there, she came here wih DOnas. She talks more than ever.

Well, next letter will be more interesting, not so boring.
Love you Sarah, love to everybody.
Love and prayers,
Nana
XOXOXOOXOXOX

Weekend Wading!

Miss all you mainlanders!!

Some new cute pix!